I love you more than words can wield the matter
– King Lear
For as long as I can remember I have dreamt of the same person over and over. As a child I always wrote of him. His hair is grey, he was fair skinned with bright blue eyes. His face was kind and ordinary but it was breathtakingly beautiful. His vibe was grounded, his energy was clean, I almost always pictured a lighthouse in a sea of storms. The storms were probably me to be honest…but his vibe… his energy is that of a lighthouse.
I don’t know why I have loved men with grey hair but I always have. Red heads for the women, grey hair for the men, those were the physical attributes I was always drawn to.
I’ve never read into those dreams. You can quite frankly drive yourself mad. I do know that I have looked for someone with a vibe like that in every man I have ever met. The ones I’ve found that were close are still counted among my most dearest of friends. The ones that weren’t were train wrecks.
Six months ago my friend reminded me that I blogged about him in particular before he entered my life, and it was around that time that these previous dreams became more frequent, with more detail, featuring places and things I know I have never seen or heard of before.
Things like this:
- A graduation photo of a woman with blue eyes and brown wavy hair with a dark navy and white trimmed robed that is only found in two places. Australia and Canada.
- South American temples with distinctive markings at the base of the temple and within it. The middle of the temple seemed to reach the sky via a long stair case. I seemed to be a child staring up at this temple. All I can see is grass and something that looks like foothills surrounding it
- An advertisement in a cafe that I realised is in Calgary. I can’t really say how I know that but I can say I’ve never been there or seen it until I spied it while ahem stalking my exes Facebook page. The cafe has a view of a blocking grey concrete building directly across from it. The advertisement was of a Latina child smiling on the side of a moving truck. Out of curiosity I decided to google the name and it belongs to a transport company based in Quebec. It was distinctive so that’s why I was like “there’s no way it exists” and as it turns out it does.
- Snapshots of the Murray river (I’ve never been there)
Here’s some things that keep recurring for me:
- The date 6/14/1973
- The number 51
- A man writing in a study made of dark wood, stained glass windows and mountains beyond. It always looks like a storm is coming.
- A dining room. It feels like it was designed by the person who owns it, with distinctive shaped Windows (kind of look like arches) it looks like late afternoon.
- Two kids late teens early twenties. The boy seems younger. I had a dream he was teaching an older man how to use Facebook and twitter.
- The song “Carry on wayward son” by Kansas. Playing in the background as a truck goes down a dirt road in some foothill.
- A brown wooden fence. It looks like a farm. There’s a hill and a watering hole. A rainbow in the background
- An apple orchard
- Wolves running down a snowy mountain
- Various animals: a mouse on a turtle, a fire fly, a bowerbird, polar bear, a white wolf with silvery fur and the weird thing is I have seen them in person somehow whenever I dream about them
- A look out, cliffs near a beach, it’s always windy
- A man who is always out in nature if he’s not writing. I feel he works with his hands a lot.
- He looks up at the sky a lot. It’s his thing. He’s always wondering if there’s someone, somewhere looking at the same sky he is. He has wondered if he will ever meet her. Unlike me he doesn’t doubt that he will. My cynicism isn’t totally unreasonable right?
- I see people and him on hikes with pine trees everywhere. Often with family as I feel they all adore nature (ugh I hate being out in nature) a young blonde girl.
- An airport. In the summer it’s dry heat. Beyond the Tarmac are beautiful mountains. They look topped with snow even in the summertime. I feel like I’m driving or flying a lot.
What does this all mean? No idea. It means here’s a puzzle and it’s somewhat fun to puzzle it out and let things unfold.
That’s what it means.
So what do I believe? Honestly? I believe that somehow I’ve managed to tune into someone who can tune back into me. It’s very subtle most of the time. A song here and pictures there. These feel similar to the dreams I blogged about last time and I nailed every single detail in them (somehow) so that’s my honest take on it.
Sometimes our dreams are a manifestation of a deep desire within. This might just be a reminder of that.
I’ve always felt I would end up with someone quite a bit older than me. Possibly foreign. I’ve always felt that my journey ends in North America. Lately I’ve felt this random need to learn French and conquer my fears of getting dirty, camping and motorcycles.
I am getting sleepy so that’s it for me.
Update: I realised that some of these things could be applied to someone I know. If I switched out two numbers I have his birthday. I don’t think it works like that and I hope to god it doesn’t. I realised these are places he has probably been, especially calgary. He had this knack of tuning into me and me into him. He thought of me just as often as I thought of him in the year we didn’t speak.
It didn’t end well the first time. We spent time apart and grew a little. We reconnected and it was like the best things we had were great but the things that kept us apart were even more obvious.
He’s a bit of a cad, a lot of a womaniser, and I doubt he has his shit together. I thought about it and decided that it’s not him because I don’t want it to be. I walked away and I did the right thing and I don’t think we will ever be friends again now. Some thing is gone. I don’t know what it is but its gone and I don’t think it’s coming back.
Along with him.
Tile Quote: King Lear. Act I. Scene I.