You look good… wearing my future
– Keith Nelson
The air feels crisp and there’s a breeze. I realise my eyes are closed and I open them. I look down and I’m wearing my favourite navy blue winter coat, brown leather gloves, jeans, and brown knee high boots. I’m dressed for winter but I don’t see any snow. I’m standing in the middle of a path and all I can see is cherry blossom trees lining it as far as the eye can see. For a minute, I stop, and I breathe in the freshness of the air around me. I feel like I am in an out of the way spot in a beautiful major city Yet the energy here is like being right up on the top of a mountain. Breathing in I feel alive, refreshed, rejuvenated. I feel free.
To my left beyond the cherry blossom trees is a river and it has a small little red -orange bridge over it. To my right are small apartments…maybe they’re villas. God I can’t really describe it so I’ll go with ‘grey buildings, with shoe box sized balconies that have perfectly manicured hedges in front of them’
You get the picture.
I’m walking down this path by myself staring in wonder at the beauty all around me. I can hear cars rushing by in the distance. The odd person rushes by and catches my eye. I smile, they duck their head in a quick bow of acknowledgment and they keep walking. I’m admiring the cherry blossoms as I hear the faint click of a camera in the distance.
“Ok. Are you ready? Turn and face me” I hear a male voice saying to me. I look behind me. My perspective shifts and now I am looking at myself from the perspective of this newcomer.
“Now smile. Come on you can do it” I raise the camera to my face and I snap some more shots. It’s a cloudy day but the light is somehow still perfect. I see myself smiling at this stranger warmly. I don’t smile like that for anyone I think to myself. It’s a smile full of warmth and love and it’s directed towards the person taking the photo. The scene freezes on the photo the newcomer took that’s now frozen in time. It’s me looking back at that person and I’m smiling in the middle of a path lined with cherry blossom trees. Somehow I sense it becomes one of their favourite memories of me. It also feels like it’s a first for something.
“I don’t want to go” I say sadly to myself and whoever it is that’s looking at me. “What are you talking about? Go where? Back to the hotel?”
The cherry blossoms start to fall like it’s Autumn. They turn into tissue paper flowers and fly all over the place. The wind whips at my hair and coat as I try to catch them. It looks like a whirlwind. I don’t feel scared, just excited to be alive. Like this is an upheaval of the best kind.
“Ah ha! Got ya!” I say excitedly as I catch one, then another and then another. I hear a man laugh and the deep rich sound makes my heart sing. I feel arms snake around me holding me close then feel someone’s breath in my hair. Familiar, warm and strong, like home the place and home the person are in the same place this time.
The wind picks up the tissue paper cherry blossoms and swirls them around. The scene goes completely white. I can’t see anything. I could never see him But all I feel and remember is the feel of his arms me and at that moment, it was all that I needed.
Behind the dream
Japan is calling me. I first felt drawn back there two years ago but in the past few months the urge to go is getting stronger. I picked up Japanese much quicker than I thought I would. I feel the urge to learn French and I am drawn to Canada but Japan is calling me. I know my path will take me there eventually but it physically hurts sometimes not being there. That said, whatever happens, happens and living entirely in the what ifs and the future is not a good idea. All I can do is focus on the now and planning things out to take me and my family to where I feel we belong. It might be three months. It could be three years. We will go. It’s not really a question of if any more but when and for how long.
Why, I’m not sure, but I feel like the opportunity to go is drawing closer. It feels like a moment in time that is significant and it will not be the last.
This dream felt like a memory and yet I know it hasn’t happened. I also have a feeling this place exists.
I don’t believe I am going for the sole purpose of finding someone. I feel I am going for me. I’m finding me.
Things that stood out:
- The cherry blossom trees: They stretched as far as the eye could see. To some they interpret them as good fortune, beauty, and the fragility of life itself. For me they too symbolise beauty but also the magic and wonder in each moment that makes your heart sing with joy.
- The photograph: Honestly I love capturing moments. I felt it was more about falling in love with each moment as it happens. I need to do that more often. It’s easy to forget and get caught up in the anxiety and the stress of life but the beauty OF life is in the knowledge of its impermanence. The fragility of our own existence. Death is the only certainty and our only guarantee and so finding the magic and beauty in the things we surround ourselves with is worth it. Those fleeting moments. The memories we hold dear. The people we love who love us in return. Loyalty, love, trust, freedom, integrity, honesty, desire, friendship and faith…these are things to strive for. These are things I want to live for.
This is a poem I thought of as I mind mapped:
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life, and not when I had come to die, discover I had not lived”
– Henry David Thoreau
- The switch in perspectives: Again it was the same male I have always dreamt about. I was also considering plastic surgery. I have wanted it for a long time. Seeing myself, seeing myself through another perspective made me think that maybe it’s unnecessary. I’m a little less set on it now.
- The hug: I wonder if one of my kids snuck in for a hug while I was asleep. It would’ve explained the feeling like I was hugged feeling. I also woke up sneezing because flowers of all kinds tend to make me sneeze. It’s interesting how our brain processes things while we dream huh? Maybe I saw something that is coming. Most likely my hay fever is playing up again though 🙂 or maybe it’s a bit of both.
- My outfit: It’s one of my favourites and my focus on it in the dream was interesting. I was dressed for winter and yet that’s not what it looked like. I keep thinking of the month of June for some reason so I’m filing that away.
- The bridge and the river: It was clear and there were different coloured plant life and fish in it at times and at others it was just a river and you couldn’t see anything. Families were throwing food for the fish which seemed tame. The river, while it rippled at times, was calm and tranquil. I think of introspection when I see it and the hermit card in the tarot. Whenever I have asked about the man I’ve seen in my dreams it’s that card that’s his card. Interesting right?
- The whirlwind: I think it’s important in things like this that while belief won’t harm anyone, losing sight of the things you can actually see, feel or touch can hurt you. Dreaming of all sorts is fine but sometimes it’s important not to live there and be in our own heads all the time. I shy away from people because I don’t have the energy for them, but I do need people time sometimes. I need to get on that.
– Pay attention to numbers or objects that repeat in dreams and consider what that means for you because it’s almost always significant. Things tend to repeat in my dreams and it usually means I need to pay closer attention to them.