We need to talk about heaven 

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

– Albert Einstein

+***Heads up: It’s not a dream and it’s not a poem either. I just felt like writing and it didn’t really fit on my other blog***+

Do you ever get the feeling that all of the choices you’re making right at this moment, the people you are allowing into your life, are part of a bigger picture? One you can’t see the end of but somehow you just have a hunch that every thing in this particular moment is connected. I have another hunch that in a very short space of time it’s going to make sense and everything will become clearer.

I don’t believe in God, fate, destiny, or any kind of sentient being. I don’t believe that I need to and I don’t feel that it’s necessary.   I do believe that everything is connected I just don’t believe it has a consciousness. I’m a realist and always have been but I don’t think that I cling to it as fiercely as some. I want to understand the world around me so I’m drawn to science. I would love to explore our oceans and spend my days studying rocks, plants, wildlife, matter, light and energy.

My hobby is studying and understanding the world and the people in it. The information is endless and I would be happy spending a lifetime attempting to learn everything I could.

It should be remarked, to begin with, that we have no right to assume that any physical law exists, or if they have existed up to now, that they will continue to exist in a similar manner in the future

– Max Planck

I accept that there are things beyond what we can see. Quantum theory is what make black holes, time travel and teleportation a real possibility. I’m always open to possibilities which is why I get along well with people that are spiritual. I always feel I understand them more than they think I do. I know – because studying science or philosophy is gonna show you this at some point  – there is so much that I don’t know. So much I wish I could know. So much I know I won’t know. What I don’t know and what COULD be is just not enough to build a belief system on. It’s not enough to allow that system to direct my life in any sort of meaningful way.

My sense of reality tends to balance out the Nihilist in me. On the surface there’s not a lot of difference between “create your own reality” and “create your own meaning” to me. The only difference is that I don’t see myself as a co-pilot so everything comes back to me figuring things out and getting shit done.  I have to work through things myself. I’m responsible for me. It’s not easy at times coming from the background I come from. I should write about that later. Sometimes I just need to take a breath and be like “Okay I’ve got this.” I almost always have got “this.” Some days I just need to lose my shit. Some days the logical, rational part of my brain kicks in. Sometimes I feel like setting that part of myself on fire because handling and expressing  emotions has always been so hard for me.

Anyway, I not only choose to do what makes me happy but I choose do what makes those I love and/or care about happy. Nihilism taught me that I don’t need to be right all the time and I don’t need to cling to bias and beliefs so fiercely. I can be an ass if I want, nice if I want, loving, feisty, aggressive warm or aloof. I just have to own it and the consequences that come with that. I don’t need to convince people that what I believe is right. I’m okay if it’s wrong. Where science ends philosophy begins for me and  so life is this beautiful circle of constant questioning from two very different perspectives. It’s the balance I need. It’s my personal state of presence. It is what makes me love the world around me and the colourful people I surround myself with. People can find this state believing in something much greater than themselves and seeking a spiritual path. They can find it in their belief of a sentient being or universal consciousness. I’ve just found mine another way. Does it really matter how we got there? The endgame is the same. Someone is right. Hopefully if I’m wrong I haven’t built up a stack of shitty things I need to be held accountable for.

I have a really bad habit of comparing myself to people and those people  are  always physicists and philosophers, writers, artists I love  and the odd poet. It’s half motivational because I’m always determined to set a bar for myself and just do better or learn more than I did previously.I feel like I am gunning for some self sabotage when I do it though because if I am going to compare myself to Werner Heisenberg I am always going to feel dopey right? I get past it, gently talk myself out of it, but I find it irritating. It is a bad habit that I am still attempting to process and work through. When it is constantly pointed out to you as a child (and adult) that someone has/will/is more beautiful, more talented, smarter, more gifted, created / wrote something better, is better educated, achieved more than you did…that habit THEY (my mother) had just became my inner voice. I am currently trying to find my own inner voice free of my mothers’ and her issues. I know that I’m good at stuff. I know I know lots of stuff. I know what I like to do and genuinely love doing. Somewhere in all of those things is MY thing. My contribution however great or small.

Thought jump…Light is one of my favourite things to talk about. What we can see is only a tiny part of what is there. Understanding it has given us things like radios, infrared, X-rays, ultraviolet and gamma rays. The exploration of light has enabled us to see how it behaves and if you have ever been lucky enough to have watched the strangeness of its behaviour when sandwiched between electricity and magnetism…it’s beautiful.  There is nothing like it, well there is because  I could gush about Chemistry for hours, nuclear (anything) Plasmas, the world of anti-matter, and Energy…which  is at the heart of everything…but I don’t think that I will because this isn’t really a science blog. There are so many other things that I can devote myself to understanding and experiencing so in Charlie world…A universal consciousness is just not currently one of those things.

It is wrong to think that the task of physics is to find out how nature is. Physics concerns what we can say about nature.

– Niels Bohr

I realise that there’s nothing rational about Nihilism but the beauty of it is that it’s a philosophy which means it has the ability to happily argue with itself. Well I love that. I’ve realised over the years  that my heroes were also philosophers too. I was mind blown as a young adult.

Few things made sense to me growing up. Math did because everything is connected and science is the same. I pick up languages fast because I love making connections between words and meaning. History and facts are the same. As long as there is a connection and path leading back to me so I can relate to the information then I can remember it. I think there are studies on this, that making everything relative to you is a quick way to learn, but I cannot cite them off the top of my head unfortunately at 3am. Point is, things are connected. I like to picture twine flying out in all different directions and at different levels. It makes everything so much more interesting trying to find the end and the beginning of things.

Alright! I think I am done today.

Movie title: We need to talk about Kevin


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